Beat Bender Gifts

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Marimba

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

The Little Drummer Boy.

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

'Interactive TV news.'

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"It's a cross between pop and rap. We call it 'pap.'"

Club DJ.

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

The Music Lover.

"Or we could go to the exhibition chronicling in depth, the development of the hip hop scene..."

Occupational Hazards.

The Eclectic Chair

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Transgender Bathroom Debate