Beat Bender Gifts

I've never heard classical music played to a hip-hop beat. He likes to jiggle the Handel!

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Marimba

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Eric Clapton.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

The Little Drummer Boy.

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

'Interactive TV news.'

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

Club DJ.

The Music Lover.

Occupational Hazards.

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

The Eclectic Chair

"It's a cross between pop and rap. We call it 'pap.'"

"Or we could go to the exhibition chronicling in depth, the development of the hip hop scene..."

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

Fun on the pyramids