
"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."
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"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."
Children disturbing a heart rate reading.
Wind Tunnel of Love.
Extremely Practical Jokes.
"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."
"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"
"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."
Lesbians for Christ
Consenting Adults.
"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."
Men dancing
Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.
"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."
Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w
"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."
Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.
'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'
Increase Your Height.
Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! I hear you told people in England you're royalty. Yeah, at first they didn't realize that I was only Joe King. I was an error to the throne who rained for forty days and forty knights. It's disappointing though that I never got to see a pig riding contest at Bucking Ham palace. And I never met Sherlock Holmes. He's the guy who followed the foot prince!
'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'
'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'
"It was worth a try."
Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'
'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'
"So I'll have to believe it so see it?"
The little rascal! He knows we're watching him and that he's safe next to his warren, so he's mooning us!
"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."
'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'
A Please Wipe Your Feet mat with words mixed up at the Dyslexic clinic.
"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"
'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'
Renown heart surgeon, doctor Linda Padgett, performing her famous "The-best-way-to-aman's-heart-is-through-his-stomach" technique.
Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'
I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.
"Stop complaining...now when you wander off in the store, I can find you!"
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