Beading Gifts

'Thank you so much! Now I'll have to start all over again!'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Braiding a Horse's Tail

'Oh my God. I love it!'

I quilt therefore I am

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Emergency Hipster Beard

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Diamond outfits

wattle covers

Arts and crafts

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

A Zircon Is Forever

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

I love embroidery

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

Will you be mine?

"It was her mothers"

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'