Beading Pillows

'Thank you so much! Now I'll have to start all over again!'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Braiding a Horse's Tail

'Oh my God. I love it!'

I quilt therefore I am

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Emergency Hipster Beard

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Joined at the hipster.

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Diamond outfits

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

wattle covers

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

Arts and crafts

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

A Zircon Is Forever

I love embroidery

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."