Beach House Owner Gifts

The Climate Change Debate Explained

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

Use your imagination.

"Summer Reading Group"

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

New Hampshire Minute

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

"Today's numbers. . . seashells up one, lobsters up three, claims down one, mussels up one . . ."

High tide.

William and Real Estate

Laughing Gull Cottage

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'Yes,that's right-just a stone's throw from the beach...'

'How'd you get my shell phone number?'

"Whoa now, hold on hold on! I just wanted to read that sign there. I couldn't see it from the road."

"Looking on the bright side, we should get fifty quid for the lawnmower."

The Old Woman who lived in a Shoe's Beachside Place.

Punch has a smoking break.

"When I win the lottery, I'm gonna spend four months a year at my South Beach condo...five months a year at my Malibu pad...and six months a year at my Caribbean beach house."

"You're exactly what I'm looking for in a man."

"How many acres do I have? What's an acre?"

Man stranded on island selling coconuts. Advertises same location 14 years.

'23-D meet 17-C, sublet...'

"Oh, thank God!"

For Sale

"And to my nephew Scott, bold denier of climate change, I bequeath my north shore bungalow."

Jake's surfboards: 'OUT - back when surf is down.'

Dogs Leave Romantic Imprint in the Sand.

The real selling feature is the ocean front location...

A Little Family Breeze.

"How come you never hang out by the fence anymore?"

As orthodontist Phil Glomley progressed with each patient, his assistant would add a proportional amount to the model of his beach house.