Batting Buffoon Gifts

Bowled out.

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

"Costs have risen by 200% and we are behind schedule. We are living up to our acronym gentlemen and I am not happy about it!!"

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

'You're security!'

The short pitched ball, and how to handle it

Cricket

"Yes, I know I only caught a lizard - it's called artistic license, Mildred!"

'You put the fortunes in AFTER you bake the cookies!'

"Hey, you're not allowed to bait deer." (hunter trying to bait deer with a corn cob on a fishing hook, other hunter saying its not legal)

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

Biggest selling fly cereal on the market.

"No wonder my mouse wasn't working. I've been using the biscuit from dinner."

'Nice catch, idiot!'

'I always dream about cricket, all night every night.'

"Tell the press we'll have more in the merger when someone fixes our printer."

Book Burp

"Now that part of them is known as the gluteus maximus, or as we call it, the 'sweet spot'."

"Don't overfeed it!"

Cricket

'Yup, that was one ingrown toenail!'

"Can you bring me some booze and fags Noah?"