Baton-wielding Wizard T-Shirts

The Conductor

"Home depot."

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

Newt sale

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

"Victims of out-sorcery."

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

Book publishing.

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

Obama of Oz.

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Great Poets of Catalogdom

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

"Oh well, I'm off the see the orthopedist."