Baton-wielding Wizard Pillows

The Conductor

"Home depot."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

Newt sale

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"Victims of out-sorcery."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

Book publishing.

Obama of Oz.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Great Poets of Catalogdom

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

"Oh well, I'm off the see the orthopedist."

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"