Baton Wizard Pillows

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

'You can't come in here with that.'

Malcolm Sargent

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

"Victims of out-sorcery."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

Golden age of music

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

CONGRATULATIONS On an awesome swim

"Gnork invented the wheel, Shnorz invented the hand axe, and my genius paints lines and circles. . . what do you want to do with it? Maybe building something where you can look at cat pictures? Hahaha!"

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'

'Boat Launch'

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

Man gets round hosepipe ban by showering in the garden

Franz Liszt.

'What's the situation about new wands these days?' - 'You can't beat 'compare wands.com.'

"Wait. Let me have one more try."