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"I know this is all nonsense , but that's the paradigm I'm stuck with."

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'Hepzibah, I'm getting out There's just no money in being a witch.'

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

'How do you wizards decide which princes should be turned into frogs?'...

'Hmm, wrong bottle. I guess THIS one must've been the Elixir of Death...'

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"Is it gold yet?"

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'

'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

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'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

"You have a rent in your invisibility cloak."

'Oi! It's no smoking in here.'

"You can't cut my head off! -- I have tenure!"

"Caltonia says you plagiarized his incantation for changing tin into platinum."

"What's this Artificial newt's tail? Instant toad urine? No wonder your spells suck!"

Dave realizes that he brought a wand to the staff meeting.

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

"Do you know how unsanitary double-dipping is?"

'How soon can you start?'

"Wait. Let me have one more try."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Victims of out-sorcery."

"You didn't need to dress up, Albert - it's just soup."

"I need to update my cloak of invincibility."

The Wizard's Space Programme.