Bathroom Strategist Pillows

Windscreen wiper on mirror to clean mess from youth squeezing spots

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'We need another bathroom.'

Gracie lures Baldo out of the bathroom by calling his phone.

"Yes, mom, I forgot my towel. Now I need an exit strategy!"

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

SWAT Team (going in to catch a fly).

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'Which one of these things is the soap?'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

Gender Specific Bath Towels (Hers)

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

Man looking at his shower-bath on a cold morning

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

Knight using the men's bathroom.

"Anyone having a 'Eureka!' moment?"

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

Wash hand before making sound of one hand clapping.

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

Paper Bath Towels.

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

Prehistoric Graffito

Nature is not perfect

Round the Clock

'Ecce homo!'

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

If toilets could talk