Bat Fixers' Club Gifts

'Well, the internal swing mechanism is shot. I can fix it, but it won't be cheap. If I were you, I'd just go back to the dugout and choose another bat.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

He is familiar with the silent swoop of the evening bat.

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

Waiting for Pants

Dracula vacationing in Venice feeding bats in the Piazza of St. Mark.

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

'You're right: Her radar signature is fabulous!'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Timber preservation

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'The man was real nice about it. He gave me my ball back and even said you can expect a nice call from his lawyer.'

Bats with blankets.

"I didn't find out quite what I wanted about the economics of democracy but I did find an interesting article about the mating habits of the Patagonian Fruit Bat."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Aww, mom! Pineapple upside down cake? ...Again?'

A Bat walking a tightrope upside down.

"All of the economic indicators I've seen are pointing up."

'And where have you been all day young lady? Your mother and I have been worried sick!'

'It appears to be a genuine bat-out-of-hell.'

'He's always been a bit of an eccentric...'

"Sorry I'm late -- I was checking my clock upside down."

"Something nocturnal."

Bat

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Who's the artist?"

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

'Cosmic!'

"I was curious, so I went to the University to listen to a course on Radar techniques..."

Super Homeworld

"Drones are copying the way we fly. We need legal representation."

'I know why Max has suddenly turned vegetarian: His new girlfriend is a Fruit-Bat...'

'Be back by 5 AM, and NO texting while echolocating!'

"I've had to leave the city: the noise pollution was making it difficult for me to fly safely..."