Basketball Referee Gifts

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Horse Play

'Players treat me with a lot more respect since they found out I'm a retired colonel.'

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

'I just love this new rule allowing you tie up obnoxious coaches.'

'I suppose this will be a CHARGE?'

According to this tabloid article, two guys who today are a basketabll referee and a politician, were friends as kids with a business selling seashells. The referee says that one sunny day while under an umbrella searching in the muck for shells they found a bunch of slimy, loose change. Or as the tabloid puts it "Whistleblower reveals pol's shady past with dirty money and a shell company!"

'I know the Fox 40 whistle is good, but this trumpet is better.'

'We had a power surge, and the electronic scoreboard seems to have tapped into the CIA's computer.'

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

'I think I'm getting my ratings from my last game.'

'On second thought, you're right. It was incidental contact.'

'It's a little joke on the coaches.'

'Let's keep a tight rein on this game. Emotions are running hight.'

'These DNA results confirm what we suspected. There is only a 1-in-5 billion chance that you did not commit the foul.'

'You're right, Mom. It was a bad call.'

'I'll take everything at the division line. You get the rest.'

'Yes, but not just any wolverine. Pretend you're arguing a call.'

'Is throwing a toupee a technical foul?'

Why moms make bad refs.

'That's one! Any more hurtful comments and you're gone!'

'... And if pepper spray has no effect and he continues to argue the call, slap him with a technical foul.'

'I'm just living up to the fans' expectations.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'