Basketball Critic Gifts

'... yes, Mr. Stern. We appreciate everything. It was a very generous donation by the NBA. However, bottom line, the kids hate the synthetic basketballs.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Why moms make bad refs.

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Footballer playing for time

'Two new NBA franchises: The 'Wall Street Bulls' and the 'Main street bears'.'

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

'This is Role Model Man. He is our new assistant coach in charge of projecting a positive image to impressionable young minds.'

"But is it art?"

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

'We had a power surge, and the electronic scoreboard seems to have tapped into the CIA's computer.'

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

Doping

'I suppose this will be a CHARGE?'

Bad Knees.

James Naismith