Coaching Critic Gifts

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Reach for the Star.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"I AM at my usual position."

The trauma of losing.

Go! Means NOW!

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Time Is Money

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Bears

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"