Baseball Theorist Gifts

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Davos.

"Uniformly accelerated motion"

Deregulated Baseball

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'The batter's crowding the plate. Try dusting him off at the knees. If that doesn't work, throw it high and inside. If he still won't back off, charge the plate and bite him.'

Baseball manager shows pitcher complicated charts.

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

'My next batter says this team doesn't pay him enough to lay down a sacrifice bunt. ... Could you pass this hat around?'

"Figured out who should bat cleanup yet, Skipper?"

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

'According to his stats, this right-fielder hit .317 and is 50 in stocks, 30 in bonds and 20 in cash.'

'Listen,kid, you're going to have to lower your standards if you ever want to throw the sleazeball.'

'That stranger's tellin' the truth, sheriff. Ol' Buford here done went into his windup first.'

'He hits better against right handed pitching, so pitch left-handed, to him.'

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

"He's got great velocity, but he really needs to work on his trajectory."

'You've done a fine job throwing money at problems, Senator, but I think it's time to bring in a reliever.'

'The pitcher calls a time out and walks toward the dugout. He's signaling the front office, and it looks like they're bringing out a new manager.'

"They're pulling the good-hitter, bad-hitter routine."

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'Baseball isn't a sport?'

'Mogug is big and strong, and swings his club with power. I suggest we let him play rightfield and bat third.'

'One's a fast ball, two's a fast ball, and three's the fastest ball.'

'I said I was bored, not unconscious.'

"I'm sorry, but that one was too close to call."