Baseball Buffs Gifts

Inside Baseballs

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

"Okay, Max, your dad is the commissioner, you're at first base. Harry, your parents donated 5 grand to fix the snack bar, you're at shortstop. . ."

'We had no choice, ump. Their pitcher threw a brushback, and so we retaliated with a burshback...'

"Quick God, give me the gift of the gab."

Bismark Ballet School

'Uh-oh. They're bringing in the closer to secure the win.'

"You're in the cartoon league now. You just have to pretend those little circles in the stands are actual people."

Baseball Player Support Group

'Rule #5, all players will be issued a cup to spit in.'

'He has a kind of neat mantra - 'no hits, no runs, no errors.''

Another brazen raid by People for the Ethical Treatment of Athletes.

"Baseball's not a jug's game, you really need to be a pitcher"

'What? that ball was nowhere near...'

The Boys of Roids

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Golfing Boss

Bowled over again!

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Church for sports worshipers.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

High-gravity baseball

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."