Barrel Buff Gifts

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

"Very wishy-washy. . . really lacks conviction. . ."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

French horn.

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

A giant glass of red wine

'You've had enough.'

Appointments and Disappointments

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

The Coffee Tattoo

"Shoot, I forgot this place has early checkout."

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

Arturo Sandoval

"This is a blind audition, right?"

"If you hibernated you wouldn't have to worry about losing an hour's sleep to daylight savings."

'Oh hell, there's a jam ahead!'

A cocktail in a tuba

An Autobahn in the form of a farm barn.

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."