Barrel Buff T-Shirts

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

"Very wishy-washy. . . really lacks conviction. . ."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

French horn.

A giant glass of red wine

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'You've had enough.'

Appointments and Disappointments

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

The Coffee Tattoo

"Shoot, I forgot this place has early checkout."

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

Arturo Sandoval

"This is a blind audition, right?"

"Yes, that'll be fine. I think my wife would like something to drink too."

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Park. Don't fear the animals, try to analyze their motives. Don't be "afraid," be "a Freud"!

A cocktail in a tuba

'It's an antique, but as accurate as any modern forecasts.'