Boiler Buff Gifts

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Man cooking a single sausage on a very large barbeque.

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

'You've had enough.'

"We get all our meat from a man dressed like a butcher."

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Appointments and Disappointments

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

The Coffee Tattoo

'We've found the problem...'

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

"My client alleges attempted hit, run and bbq."

'So much for our raw food diet.'

"I never think about cholesterol when I'm on vacation."

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

Internal Combustion.

...and I see the catering is sorted.

Spider Clown.

U.S. Department of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms