Barking Protector Gifts

'It's voice activated, password protection software. Now, the cat can't log on using my screen name.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Arf! Arf!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

Dog phrenology

Sonata for Piano and Dog

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"I yip, therefore I am."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

Dog in therapy.

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

'He's barking mad!'

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

One giant bark for dogkind.

I know they told me not to bark

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Dog

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'No, no, no I said SIT'