Barking Buffs Gifts

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

Bitchbark Canoe

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'Arf! Arf!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

Dog phrenology

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

Sonata for Piano and Dog

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

"I yip, therefore I am."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

Dog in therapy.

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

'He's barking mad!'

One giant bark for dogkind.

I know they told me not to bark

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Dog

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.