Barking Guru Gifts

The Inner Dog.

Bitchbark Canoe

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Arf! Arf!'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

Dog phrenology

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

Sonata for Piano and Dog

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

'He's barking mad!'

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

One giant bark for dogkind.

Dog

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

Baby clinging to beard

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

'No, no, no I said SIT'