Barfly Bard Gifts

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Catnip for everyone."

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'Fried chickens.'

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Quiz Night...

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

"What would you like me to play next?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."