Barfly Bard T-Shirts

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"Catnip for everyone."

'Fried chickens.'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Quiz Night...

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

"What would you like me to play next?"

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'