Barfly Banter Lover Gifts

"Next time, if someone gives you a compliment, just say 'thank you'."

-

Butterfly herders of the wild west.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'You've changed.'

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

An Archeologic Dig

"Another Martoonie?"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"I consider myself a passionate man, but, of course, a lawyer first."

"So. Are you a mime, a puppeteer, or a ventriloquist?"

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Virtual Babe

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Ed is back from his silent cocoon retreat."

"I used to own a riding school, but business started falling off..."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Here comes Ted.'

'Sorry, folks - no drinking at the bar - video poker only.'

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"It's O.K., I've got his car keys."

"I don't know if I've mentioned this before, Greg, but you are a very attractive man."

"He doesn't look like you at all."

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

"I've spent the last 6 months teaching myself escapology."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

"Here's my card. Give me a call if you ever need a barfly."

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'