Bankers Gifts

'Apparently, just because we took out a mortgage, the bank now expects us to make some sort of monthly payment.'

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

"Is that just for the night, or for ever?"

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

"It's amazing. I hear some of them can endure the same boring, pointless positions for years on end!"

The 8.05 to Wall Street.

'My 4 year old granddaughter received a credit card application last week. I want to know why it wasn't ours!'

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

"Hear no evil...See no evil...Just evil."

The argument SEEMS to be that if we don't pay him a HUGE bonus then he'll leave and destroy someone elses business and then we'd have to pay even MORE in a 'competetive' market to get someone equivalently useless to replace him!

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

The end is near.

'I wish they'd stop increasing the amount of tax I have to evade.'

'This mattress fits up to $120,000 dollars.'

"Good God! Has the dollar fallen that far?"

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

"There's a plus side to the credit crunch...My 'lenders elbow' has cleared up!"

'In a surprise move, the fed said interest rates would stay the same, but hemlines would rise.'

'I see you have no collateral.'

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

How Banking Started

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'Nothing to worry about - just a routine check of your I.D. Mrs Chan.'

'Fortunately our generation won't have to pay the huge debt. Our grandchildren will.'

'I think they're overdoing this merger business.'

"I think we must accept that things have got to get worse before they can get even worse."

'Do you offer credit for the smaller businessman?'

'If we wait here long enough will we see the hedge funds fly south for the winter?'

'Where did you expect he'd be?'

See no evil...hear no evil..SEC wouldn't recognise evil if it came and sat on his face.

'Your business plan demonstrates that you have traded prudently, invested wisely and grown at a sensible rate. All your projections look accurate. I'm afraid that in the current economic climate there is no way that this bank can invest...'

'The house is fine, I want to send my mother in-law back home.'

Banks Profits to Support.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'