Banking Gifts

"Now we just have to sit back and wait for the Fed to bail us out."

Company man

ChairWOman of the Federal Reserve.

'You're part of the 6% we won't be lending money to...'

A Day In The Kitchen

Thanks a Mil, Warren!

"What I'd like, basically, is a temporary line of credit just to tide me over the rest of my life."

"Checks and balances! Checks and balances! -- You sound just like the silly bank!"

'We are prepared to make you a loan, but first you have to prove that you really don't need it,'

'Where I come from it's called collateral.'

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

"That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now evade your questions."

Santa's Bank Manager

"Of course, you could try another bank, if there were any other banks."

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

"Yes, I can help you with your loan questions. I'm the loan arranger."

Have a Box - the red contains a whistle which you can blow before the securities and exchange commission. The blue one has a bonus, which you can take home and spend.

'Thanks, Grandma! How do I password protect it?'

Offshore tax havens.

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'Aren't you afraid of inaccuracies on your credit report?'

"Serving You Is Our # 1 Job!"

'If we're going to have a banking relationship, you'll have to trust me more than this.'

'Put all your money in a savings account.'

"Well, thanks anyway for sharing your financial plight with us."

'You're what we call 'high risk'.'

'Our new savings account isn't very popular. There's been no interest in it.'

'We've changed our mind. We don't care any more!'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

"A high-five isn't binding, sir. You still have to sign a loan agreement."

'You want a loan, you say? Ha, Ha, that's a good one!....Where in the world did you hear that banks made loans?!'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'Yes, we offer no-fee checking accounts. For a small fee.'

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

'Any collateral other than this letter from a Nigerian banker's widow?'