Bank Teller Humor Gifts

"For future reference, when robbing a bank I wouldn't use the Comic Sans font on your note. You lose all credibility."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

Fake Counterfeit Money

Do not feed the clerks.

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

"I see travel and romance. You'll be going away soon. I see a tall, dark stranger with many tattoos."

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

"And what about last month, when I was UNDERdrawn?"

Bank Checking and Savings. How about some clouds on your scenic checks since they never seem to clear anyway?

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'Perhaps you should have a word with the new teller.'

"I cased the joint, and it turns out they'll just give you money if you work thirty-five hours a week as a teller."

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Secret Identity Theft.

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

Impatient queue of people. The signs read queue here,sigh heavily from here, and Tut Loudly from here.

'This isn't the dollar I deposited!'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

"The bank accepted bones in the eighties. We don't accept bones anymore."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Savings/Saviour's Bank.

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'