Bank Balance Buff Gifts

British savings accounts

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

"I don't like the look of this."

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Spanish bank needs propping up.

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

Offshore tax havens.

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

'What a wonderful day to declare chapter 13!'

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'Sheesh... I wish the government would handle the finance reform a bit more discreetly...'

loan

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"