Bank Balance Buff Gifts

British savings accounts

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

"I don't like the look of this."

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

Spanish bank needs propping up.

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

Offshore tax havens.

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

'What a wonderful day to declare chapter 13!'

Fake Counterfeit Money

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

loan

Freddie Mac and Fannie May takeover

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).