Band-aid Fixer Gifts

Does your computer have a webcam? Yes. I've fixed it so no one can spy on me. What a tech genius! A band-aid solution that works!

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Waiting for Pants

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

Computer operator welding machine.

"274 meters of bandage - It looks as though you're going to make the Guiness Book of Records, Mr Henderson!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

First aid: A wizard has a bandage on his finger with turban on it.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Cyber disease.

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

Minor Surgery

'Forget about going to the store for a bicycle patch. I used one of your nicotine patches.'

"Kick the machine"

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

Cyclist looks bemused as his efforts to pump up a flat tyre inflates the the bike frame instead.

"I had to improvise"

To continue with tech support, you must be in front of your computer and have a soldering iron, a voltmeter and a circuit tester available.

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

'Well, a quick yank didn't work, either. Let's get you some lower tack bandages.'

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

You shouldn't be embarrassed

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

"That's really great , but what do you do if you want to remove the nail?"

Hospital. Emergency. Closed. I'm bleeding and the E.R. is closed, What should I do? Just go home? Suture self!

'It's our last resort.'

"Oh, come on. If it had happened to me you'd've laughed too."