Banana Diplomats T-Shirts

'I, for one, am sick of this 'King of the Apes' business! I demand a Republic!'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'There. See? Your buddy is OK. Now show us our guy before we make the swap.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

Landing That Tough Account

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

Good duck, bad duck.

Advantages of Growing Older

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

Drunk sailor anchored to a bar.

'Okay, how do we do this?'

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"

'Ok, they want a year's supply of meal, no more shearing, just trimming and our own barn. But until then, this camera and the pictures of your 'date with Daisy' stay with me.'

'He can ignore you in seven different languages.'

'Don't tell me you want universal health care!'

"How about all my desserts for a week, and I take out the garbage?"