Dessert Diplomat T-Shirts

"I'll need you to sign this binding agreement that you acknowledge you said no, you didn't want any dessert, and that you give up all claim to mine."

"You know, you could have just said that you wanted that last piece of pie, dear!"

'I like your product, but I'm not sure if I like you, but I'm prepared to offer you the full money, but I'm going to want in return extra raspberry sauce'

"How about all my desserts for a week, and I take out the garbage?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."