Donut Diplomat T-Shirts

"Your Honor, may it please the court, I brought donuts!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

Excess Baggage: If you can draw, you don't have to know the local language.

Landing That Tough Account

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'