Ballpark Buffoons Gifts

'Nice catch, idiot!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Currently Boston

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

"Costs have risen by 200% and we are behind schedule. We are living up to our acronym gentlemen and I am not happy about it!!"

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

'Yes, Haffner appears to be tiring...'

Born to play ball.

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

Baseball Angels

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys

Shows Bundt

'He looks great in the field, but can he bat?'

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

'He hits better against right handed pitching, so pitch left-handed, to him.'

'So much for the question of whether of whether or not a curveball really curves.'

'We'll take three of the big bags... oh boy! This stuff always tastes better at the ballpark!'

'Wow...I've got to admit, Stanley...when you said you always got the best seats I thought you were just blowing smoke.'

'Yo, Bob! I think a heckler just nailed me with something. What's on my back?'

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

"Yes, I know I only caught a lizard - it's called artistic license, Mildred!"

'Get over it, Brady. Pitchers at this level are expected to get batters out. Randy there gave up eight runs in one inning...'

'Two beef and pork by-products and a turkey dog, please!'

'...The athletic trainer's coming with the WD-40.'

Before baseball, raccooning enjoyed a brief stint as the national pastime.

'Nice throw...'