Ballpark Lover Gifts

Currently Boston

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Sheltering in place.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

I watched an erotic thriller last night. Have you heard of the film 'Field of Dreams'?

All Star Team.

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

'Is that the look of love or the look of hearing a home run on your bluetooth?'

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'I am beginning my windup now. ... Drum roll, please.'

A Masked Ball

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

Waiting for the end of the acid-rain delay at the ballpark in the year 2258...

Sign Him.

'Give us another minute, blue. The surgeon just reattached the tendon and he's closing up.'