Ballad Aficionado T-Shirts

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Felix Mendelssohn

Orchestra.

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

"The Monster Mash wasn't just about having fun. We were protesting Vietnam."

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Fossil record player.

Woman crying with happiness.

Piano Keyboard

Bryan Ferry

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Elevator Music

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

Violin Practise

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"Hi,Honey - I'm Homeboy."