Baked Goods Philosopher Gifts

"I was born a doughboy but I identify as a crescent roll."

"She keeps trying to mold me into her own image."

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Cupcake Excitement Scale

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

Stratigraphy

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

"First you make a roux."