Bad Movie Aficionado Gifts

"I like bad movies. I don't watch them, but I love the scathing reviews."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Bond James, Bond."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Herman Mankiewicz

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Bloody hell!"

Reese Witherspoon

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Kritik's Korner

Canadian film production

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

Brad Pitt

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Moby Dick

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

Jimmy Cagney.

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

'And I love the part when he finds out that it was his brother all along!'

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

Movies vs. Films

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'