Bad Day Humor Gifts

'Ever have one of those days where nothing seems to go right?'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

"I'm in a bad mood today: sit down!"

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

"Vodka on the rocks, in the rocks, around the rocks, and under the rocks."

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

Holy Relics.

'Hello dear - I've had a very depressing day.'

'You think that's bad? My husband got canned today.'

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

'One of those days, huh?'

'It just hasn't been my day.'

"Thanks, but do you have anything stronger than 'have a nice day'?"

'Phew! What a day I've had. Still, I don't suppose it can get any worse.'

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

"It's not the flu. I got a very bad case of tired blood."

'There goes Tokyo.'

"It's just one of those days. I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"That's just great! The boat sank and it's hide tide. What else could go wrong?!"

"You have a giant rip in your pants."

'The alarm didn't go off, my car wouldn't start, missed the bus, my back's aching, haven't had a raise in two years ...'

'This started out as a pretty good day...'

'What a lousy day! The computer, the car, and my stock portfolio all crashed.'

A Crab Apple says 'My life stinks...I'm all bruised...I've got worms...'

"Poor Zachary. A meteorite squashed his swing set."

'I was kicked upstairs, downstairs and everywhere but loose.'

'Did you whistle?'