Bad Boy Aficionado Gifts

"They always go for the dangerous types."

Tammy always dated the sketchiest guys.

"You had me at hell."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

The Investigation

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'I'm a simple man really beneath the code words and the black ops and the multitude of fake passports.'

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

Narcomexico

An empty 'crime' section in a bookhop

"Why do I always choose 'The Bad Boy'?"

"As his nanny she would have known about his diabetes and et she gave him spoonfuls, yes spoonfuls, of sugar."

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

"Whoever did this was chillingly methodical about it."

"Stick 'em up!"

"Do you have anything for DNA stains?"

Violence in Mexico

"It's a fantastic character reference..."