Backyards Gifts

Strikeout Dog

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"I don't think you can call two ants a 'bug safari'."

Bird Bath.

"At first I was concerned about the Earth opening up. But I was going to build a fire pit, so it actually saved me a lot of time."

'Propane ran out.'

"How?"

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

"Lovely robin ... though, I'm sensing a little attitude."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

Human males marking territory.

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

'I would love to play in your tree-house, but I can't climb trees...'

Living next door to area 51

"What … have … you … done?"

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

George can overreact when people criticise his barbecues.

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

"See? I told you our yard was too small for a swing set."

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

'Everyone called and canceled for tonight's dinner party? Awesome!'

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

"Did you get some work done?"

The King Can Do No Wrong

"Well, a ringer and a laner - looks like you win honey..."

'Got'a be done I s'pose.'

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."