Backyards Gifts

Strikeout Dog

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"I don't think you can call two ants a 'bug safari'."

Bird Bath.

"At first I was concerned about the Earth opening up. But I was going to build a fire pit, so it actually saved me a lot of time."

'Propane ran out.'

"How?"

"Lovely robin ... though, I'm sensing a little attitude."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

Human males marking territory.

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

"What … have … you … done?"

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

'I would love to play in your tree-house, but I can't climb trees...'

George can overreact when people criticise his barbecues.

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

"See? I told you our yard was too small for a swing set."

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

'Everyone called and canceled for tonight's dinner party? Awesome!'

"Did you get some work done?"

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

The King Can Do No Wrong

"Well, a ringer and a laner - looks like you win honey..."

'Got'a be done I s'pose.'

Garden Envy.

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."