Backyard Drama Enthusiast Gifts

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

"Another slander suit!"

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'I told you to keep your rice in a plastic bag.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

Human males marking territory.

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

"How?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

How TV Causes Violence

Woman and cats watching Nine Lives to Live.

Mistress Talking to Maid

'John... is that a collar?'

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

Chicken singing romantic songs

"Do you have any get well cards for characters on soap operas?"

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

"Did you get some work done?"

'You have the right to remain silent.'

"My Gary is such a thoughtful husband! First he walked the dog, then prepared the duck for lunch. It was a fantastic meal, wasn't it?"

"That's not a...'Sorry honey I burned the dinner' look. That's a...'I meant to burn the dinner and you're gonna eat it because you forgot our anniversary' look."

"We'd cook out more often if it weren't for these damned monitor lizards."

"Here it comes, another one of his classic non-apologies."

Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Kevin Spacey. Specifically, we'll talk about that delightful television drama he stars in alongside one of my favorite actresses. Also, my tv has been at the repairman's shop for a couple weeks, so maybe you nice callers can fill me in on any big news stories I may have missed. Anyhow, I once met that nice young Mr. Spacey. He gave me a signed DVD of "American Beauty." I don't have a DVD machine, but I framed it because the cover

When Tia Carmen says... "Oh my god, no!" she really means... "They killed off my favorite telenovela character!"

Dad was widely regarded as being unsuitable for younger viewers.

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

'What are you saying?'