Backyard Drama Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

"Another slander suit!"

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'I told you to keep your rice in a plastic bag.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

Human males marking territory.

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"How?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

Woman and cats watching Nine Lives to Live.

'John... is that a collar?'

Mistress Talking to Maid

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

Chicken singing romantic songs

"Do you have any get well cards for characters on soap operas?"

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"Did you get some work done?"

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

Dad was widely regarded as being unsuitable for younger viewers.

"My Gary is such a thoughtful husband! First he walked the dog, then prepared the duck for lunch. It was a fantastic meal, wasn't it?"

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"Here it comes, another one of his classic non-apologies."

When Tia Carmen says... "Oh my god, no!" she really means... "They killed off my favorite telenovela character!"

"We'd cook out more often if it weren't for these damned monitor lizards."

'You have the right to remain silent.'

"That's not a...'Sorry honey I burned the dinner' look. That's a...'I meant to burn the dinner and you're gonna eat it because you forgot our anniversary' look."

'What are you saying?'

'...I'm leaving you for Reg next door'