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"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

The experienced backpacker.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Transylvanian backpackers.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

A tourist inadvertently destroying the place he is visiting

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Well, I'll miss him, but all his friends are backpacking Europe to herd sheep this summer, too."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

French wine