Backchat Artist Gifts

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Oh, I see you're busy, so I'll keep talking."

Dadonomics

'Blah, blah, blah....'

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

'We need something for his verbal incontinence. He has a blather control problem.'

"Why, James. James the Munificent. How good it is to hear from you."

'Well this shouldn't last long.'

"Actually, I'd love to work on Mars, but it's a hell of a commute."

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

Small Talk Outlet

'I booze, I schmooze and then I snooze.'

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'That's what I call a workout! One hour of walking and 2 hours of running our mouths.'

'Every time you get ready to make a call, on your mobile phone, you reach for a comfortable chair. No wonder all that air time translates into large phone bills.'

"Can you believe she said that I 'talk too much'? I can go hours without saying anything. You've witnessed it. What about sleeping? I don't talk in my sleep... do I? Oh, well, I just bought a box of vintage oven mitts on eBay last night. I couldn't sleep..."

'I forgot who I'm supposed to talk to and why.'

'I'm going to Internets Anonymous...we meet in a Yahoo chatroom!'

"I look at a man's hands. If he has long fingers it usually means he has long toes."

"Is there a reason you haven't done any work?"

'He's stuck on 'but I digress'.'

'You'll never win that contest -- you've never said anything in fifty words or less.'

"Your ear and mouth are costing me an arm and leg!"