Back Row Philosopher Gifts

'The lecture hall is very large and my seat is far back. I feel like I'm in a distance-learning program.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"I should've never studied canon law."

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

The Three Kinds of People

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

Boring Board Meeting