Bachelor Relative Gifts

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Children's Party

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

How witness protection really works...

Stockwell's day

Contest of wills.

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

'Hey, Fred! You have a relative visiting.'

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'Would it kill 'ya to index my birthday check to inflation?'

'You just had to tell them to make themselves at home!'

Thanksgiving.

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"