Bachelor Uncle Gifts

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

Crusty old Bachelor on Christmas Day

'I'm all about quantity.'

'Sometimes I eat cat food.'

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

'Is that a satellite photo?'

How witness protection really works...

Randy Klotz is an honest guy who would never lie to his girlfriend, but for some reason he remains single.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Louis Armstrong

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

I like the Jets...I guess