Bachelor Brother Gifts

"Honey, I'm home."

Wheel of Dinner

"She might have stayed longer if you answered the door with your pants on."

So 51 percent of adult American women are unmarried. It's awesome. More single chicks, better odds, more power to men, less pressure to please any individual woman. Less pressure to be the perfect guy. Or clean up the apartment, or pretend to listen. The 51 percent figure explained. Less bathing!

Virtual reality mirror.

'Maybe you should get married to a nice girl and have grandkids.'

'Hi. Do you want to dance?'

'Done!'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

'I'm going to be sick.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

Shepherd and eurydice

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'I sent out for everything.'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Robot Parts $5

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Good game."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'